Lilly girl,
my hope and prayer for your next year is that you will spend your 11th birthday with your forever family treating you like the princess you are. Hope you had a wonderful day being pampered with your amazing foster mamas. 

Blessings Lilly and many happy returns. ♡

Dear Gwyneth,
The meaning of your name is "happiness". You have been given this name because the first time I saw you the fear and sadness that filled your eyes took my breath away. I thought you had given up all hope. While in the two weeks I have known you I have yet to see you smile but I can see that hope was not lost, just buried. I pray that in time with lots of love you will come to be more then just happy. I pray that you will come to possess a joy that comes from having a hope that is anchored in an unshakable faith in Jesus Christ. A faith that does not waver from things that the world throws at you. Cannot wait for you to get better and come home. 
Know that you are loved sweet one.

 Yesu ne prema.

Dear Ruby girl,
Your Indian name means "unknown" or "question". Sweet one know that there has never been any question about whose you are. As an 8 month old daughter of The King He has called and used you for a divine purpose. Your life has been a story chronicling His miraculous power and healing. Your time at SCH has been a witness to His glory to those far and wide. God has used you in His plan to bring joy to so many, little one. I praise Him for your forever family who, I know in my heart, has already fallen in love with you. We gave you an English blog name that told the world that even on the days when you might have felt you were forgotten you were a precious jewel to your Daddy. Never forget that. 
May your life and your story continue to bring Him praise, papa. 

Nennu Ninnu Premistananu

Anchored in Hope

Gwyneth ami,
You are beautiful. Has anyone told you that today? You have always carried a wisdom beyond your years in your eyes, that comes from scars both visible and invisible. But now I see something that I have prayed for since the first night I met you. Hope. Beauty and Hope are things that radiate from children redeemed for God's glory, as you have been papa. May you continue to seek and find the "joy that comes in the morning" and may you be a living testament of this verse, "But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us." (2 Corinthians 4:7)                                                 Know you are loved sweet beautiful girl.
(September 22, 2014)

To the littlest little

Dearest Anu,
Today (roughly) would have marked your first birthday. Oh, what a celebration that would have been! Instead you are spending it with your Heavenly Daddy having a party every second of every day that I cannot begin to comprehend. Even still, I miss you chinna papa.
I miss cuddling you, in the way only three pound babies can be cuddled. I miss your silly little girl faces and your tiny ears. I will always treasure, in my heart, our last morning together. He truly showers us with blessings, no? I will always be thankful for the huge blessing being your mama was in my life little one. Cannot wait to have a dance party with you in heaven! 

Nenu ninu premistunanu forever and always. 

To the boy who stole my heart

Karthik babu, 
You are so very very loved. Being able to be your foster mama will always be one of my greatest joys and treasures. I miss you so much but I just hear you utter one of your gaspy, throaty laughs and say with your 2 year old attitude, "But mama Heaven is much better. I have a Daddy here." 

Love you forever and always sweet boy. Nenu Nienu premistunannu aby.

A hug, a kiss, a wave, the end.

Cheena Do,
      Remember when you were sitting on my lap and I said it was time for me to go? You hopped off my lap, gave me a backhanded wave and walked away. I used to think this was you being an independent three year old boy. That is until a couple of days ago. I had to say a very hard and frustrating goodbye to someone I had come to count on. I was feeling sorry for myself when I thought of all the goodbyes I have had to say since coming to India. This is a transient place. Caregivers come and go, sometimes without notice. Volunteers stay long enough to form attachments and then they leave. It was then that I realized your whole life has been defined by goodbyes.
     You were too young to remember your parents when they said goodbye. I am not really sure you even know what parents are. The number of ahyas and nurses you have had caring for you in your short life is probably more then we could count. Maybe there have been a hundred of foreign volunteers that have come bearing sweets and treats who stay for a few days or maybe a year before waving goodbye forever.
     That is why you say goodbye the way you do. So flippantly. You, at the age of 3, have decided that goodbyes are always permant. Every time you say goodbye to someone you are certain you are never going to see them again. I think that it is also why when someone comes it takes you so long to come over and say hello because you know you have to say goodbye. Some of your brothers and sisters have accepted this fact and decided that any attention is better then none. So when people arrive they immediately swarm them, clambering for hugs and kisses. They scream goodbyes clinging and crying when the person leaves. Others have formed close attachments with their ayahs.  But a few, like you, are different. In your heart of hearts you know that this life you have is not what it should be. Something is missing. No little boy should ever have to wonder if people he cares about are going to come back.
     This realization, somewhat to my surprise, deeply hurts me. It makes me pray all the more fervently for you and your siblings that God would lead wonderful Christian "forever families" to our door to take you home. Home to a place where you will run and greet people when they walk in the door, a place where you never have to say goodbye again. Until then I praise God you have a home here with us and that you have a wonderful home nurse, whom you call "ma", that loves her boys well.
      I pray that no matter how many goodbyes you have to say you will grow up to know you are a son and an heir to a Father who has been by your side since the day you were born. I also pray that despite the brokenness you have experienced you learn to love well. There are no orphans of God, sweet one.
Nenu Ninnu premistunnanu

P.S. This week it is I who will have to say goodbye to you as you and your ana go to the big city to visit the doctor. When you come back to us  healthier then when you left, I want the giant running hug I got today. Ok?

(September 7, 2013)